Sideswiped

What have I become?
Look at my hands,
Thin, dark-veined, paperskinned.
Consider my heart,
A fortress that even I can no longer
Penetrate.
The parts of me,
Loud and joyful-
Now waif-like and whispered.

Please, please, tell me,
What have I become?
What is this disappearance and when,
When did it happen?
Where was I when the hair fell away?
When the eyes got dark?
When the mouth became thin?

I vowed in my youth to never
Let go of those parts of me,
That laughed in the sunlight,
That basked in the chaos,
Vibrant layers of color filling me to bursting with every new day.

I promised myself,
To hold tight
To me.
I look at myself and see,
only,
Bread gone stale,
A line on a page,
An angry stranger.

When I am so tired, and the children are so wild:

I'm going to die,
I swear it.
One more minute of this
And I will keel over.
Eyes fluttering,
Then still.

Cause of death:
Overwhelmedness

I just simply can't.
Move one foot forward.
I swear it,
Death will find me in
This moment,
And I will jump in.
Like seeing an old
Friend,
I will hold that beautiful death
Tight...